


With You

by innusiq



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Holidays, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2018-11-10 22:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11136195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innusiq/pseuds/innusiq
Summary: It's Thanksgiving and Ray is trying to adjust to the recent changes in his life.





	With You

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
With You

## With You

by Innusiq

Author's website: http://www.tuktoyaktuk.net/innusiq/

Disclaimer: 

Author's Notes: Thanks Sally!

Story Notes: 

* * *

With You  
by: Jenny Hill 

Ray's breathing had become labored as he chased after Fraser, who in turn was chasing after their latest suspect. He was having trouble keeping up as always for these chases always seemed to come out of left field and before he realized there was even a chase to be had, it was to see Fraser's backside as he turned around a corner, unarmed and in danger. What didn't help matters much this time was that they had both been off duty and chasing after suspects wasn't a normal "day's off" activity. The chase was unexpected, unwanted and yet called to the do-gooding Mountie. 

It was everywhere or it seemed that way. It was all Ray could see upon turning down the alley and that was for the most part because the sight of the crimson fluid marked the site of death knocking on his partner's door yet again. His stomach clenched at the site of his downed partner and the fleeing suspect was forgotten over the well being of his friend. 

Kneeling next to Fraser, Ray's hands moved into action as shaky fingers unbuttoned flannel and pulled up cotton in order to find the point of impact. It wasn't pretty and when his eyes caught sight of the pool of blood growing underneath his partner's body, he clamped down on the panic beginning to rise before completely loosing it. 

Putting pressure where he could with one had, Ray pulled out his cell phone and with the other hand dialed for back up and emergency assistance. Once the call had been made, he dropped the phone, freeing his hand to put more pressure on the open wound. It was the whispered voice of his dying lover that broke through his semblance of control. 

Fraser's eyes were wide and unseeing, staring straight ahead into nothingness when he whispered his statement again. 

"You should have been here." 

Ray woke suddenly, out of breath as if he had been running a thousand miles. The words had him sitting up in bed with a start, breathing irregularly until he got his bearings down, realizing where he was and that it was only a dream that had woke him suddenly. 

The house was pretty much quiet for the most part. The only sounds that Ray could hear were the distant rattling of pots and pans and various dishwares coming from the kitchen. They all were noises that usually accompanied the planning of a huge family feast but other than those particular noises of his mother's preparations, the rest of the house was silent. Ray took a moment and enjoyed that silence. 

It wouldn't be long before the rest of the family woke and emerged for the day's activities and soon after that the remainder of the family that did not live at the house would be arriving for the traditional Thanksgiving gathering. This was one of the day's Ray's mother lived for. This was her day to shine and nothing else mattered besides making sure the day went off without a hitch and ended in total success. There would be more family members entertained than his two hands could count, filling the house beyond capacity. The noise level would be near deafening this day and Mrs. Vecchio was counting on all her children to make sure all went well. 

Ray looked around the room at the familiar walls, the walls he had referred to as his bedroom for the better part of his life and was struck by how out of place he felt. Even though nothing had changed and everything was just the same as if he had never left, he still experienced the feeling of not belonging in this place called home. But even in the sense of not belonging, there was a comfort in the familiar, a security Ray needed now more than ever. Perhaps it was his mother's way of letting him know that he was always welcome and maybe she expected him to return someday but whatever reason, at this moment Ray was grateful for her melancholy need to not change a thing. 

Ray slid off his bed and moved towards the closet to decide upon what he would wear for the day. He had woken before the sun rose, having already showered and shaved before the line-up at the bathroom door was even a thought in the rest of the family's sleeping minds. He had only laid down for a moment afterwards and hadn't planned on falling asleep but the nightmare told a different story. He was still dead tired even after the early morning nap but he was use to that by now. Most of his days currently passed in that sort of state for a good night's sleep a rare find anymore. 

It was the silence that caught him unawares. He couldn't remember the last time it had ever been so quiet in the house before or at least he couldn't remember it ever being that quiet in the house when everyone was present and accounted. There was no way a house of nine could be completely silent except at night and even then there were exceptions to the rule. 

Hanger after hanger of clothing offered no inspiration and Ray continued leafing through his expensive garments before finally giving up and settling on a simple pair of gray trousers and an equally simple gray v-necked sweater turtleneck combination. It was a look Ray knew Fraser would agree with and the fact that Fraser was the one who had actually gifted him with the ensemble had everything to do with Ray's decision. Plus, it was a comfortable outfit and on Thanksgiving, that was the number one goal when choosing clothing, comfort. 

Ray dressed quickly, complete with socks, shoes and watch, and headed out to brave the day. The days he got up and went to work weren't as bad as the days he had no place to go. Going to work kept his mind occupied and from thinking of his personal life and the changes it had gone through recently. But on the days he usually spent at home with his family, as much as he loved them, they had a way of making it seem like the world had ended when it really hadn't. Of course Ray had days when he even believed that it had stopped turning but he knew better. He knew the world still spun and that life was moving on but that didn't mean he had to like it. 

Ray fixed his bed taking special care that it was neat as a pin before leaving his bedroom. He made his way downstairs and upon entering the kitchen, his mother was the first person he saw and was grateful she was the only person up at that moment. 

Diefenbaker lounged at Mrs. Vecchio's feet with a hopeful expression in his eyes but when Ray entered the kitchen, his attention was diverted from a possible snack to worrying over his pack mate. Diefenbaker abandoned begging for a pre-meal snack and met Ray as he sat down at the kitchen table. 

"You're barking up the wrong tree if you think I've got anything to offer you," Ray said as he rubbed his hand over the wolf's head affectionately, paying special attention to stroke around Diefenbaker's ears. 

"Good morning, Caro. Did you sleep well?" Mrs. Vecchio asked, watching the exchanged tenderness between her son and the wolf. 

At the moment her son entered the kitchen, Mrs. Vecchio moved into mothering gear. It was the best and only thing she knew to do. Taking a coffee cup out of the cupboard for her son and filling it to the brim, she placed it in front of him. 

Ray took a sip from the cup first before answering his mother. 

"Yeah Ma, I slept fine." 

Mrs. Vecchio frowned slightly not believing her son's words. He wasn't even trying to be convincing and that worried her most of all. She quickly hid her concern knowing that would just upset Ray more and returned to the dinner preparations. 

"Would you like anything to eat?" 

Ray took another sip of coffee. 

"No, I'm fine. I think I will stick with coffee this morning," he replied, expecting some sort of repercussion regarding his choice of breakfast but it never came. 

Mrs. Vecchio would have normally protested against such an early morning meal but knowing that there was a large dinner to be consumed later in the day she decided it was best to look over the lack of nutrition and her mothering instincts, at least for one day. 

"Very well," she said much to her dismay. "What are you doing up so early?" 

Ray stood up, finishing his coffee and moved to the sink to place the empty mug in it. 

"I was going to go to the shelter and help out this morning. They need all the help they can get today." 

Mrs. Vecchio was smiling when she looked at her son. 

"What?" Ray asked, puzzled by her expression. 

"Nothing, Caro. That is very thoughtful of you. I'm sure everyone there will appreciate your kindness." 

"It's nothing, really," Ray stated while shrugging his shoulders, dismissing his actions as nothing out of the ordinary or extraordinary. 

"It will mean something to the people there who depend on you. 

Ray nodded his head, agreeing with his mother. 

"You two will be back for dinner then?" She asked, knowing all too well that they would but also needing to hear her son say the words too. 

"Yeah Ma, we'll be back in time for dinner. Wouldn't miss it for the world." 

Ray hugged his mother for good measure and then motioned for Diefenbaker to follow him. 

Diefenbaker barked quietly, knowing the others in the house were still sleeping and obeyed Ray's request. He followed Ray out of the kitchen leaving a very worried mother behind. 

Mrs. Vecchio didn't have the time at that moment to fret over her son for time was of the essence. She needed to get the dinner preparations moving so that when the rest of her children woke, they could start helping out as well. Turning back to the stove, she continued in her cooking tasks, putting her son's disposition to the back of her mind but making a special note to check on him later. 

* * *

The shelter was already at capacity by the time Ray arrived and the volunteers were grateful to see him. Ray fell into place as he did every year prior to this, wrapping an apron around his waist and taking up a position in the food line. He offered a smile to each and every person and a warm greeting. The cheerful gesture took Ray by surprise because he hadn't even realized he had it in him to be cheerful. 

Diefenbaker stayed out of the way the best he could, visiting with the regulars he remembered and making new friends with those he did not. All were equally happy to see him and in returned offered him a little of what they had received from the shelter. Diefenbaker, being the good wolf he was, refused any edibles knowing the people here needed the nourishment more than he did. He also knew better than to overstep his bounds because Ray and the entire Vecchio family would take care of him later. 

Ray welcomed the change of pace the work at the shelter provided him; anything to kept his mind occupied. When he was focused on work and other people, it left him little time to rake over his own introspect. He didn't like what he was seeing lately. 

"How are you doing Ray?" 

Ray shook from his thoughts, turning to the person to his right. He offered the woman a warm smile as he replied. 

"I'm doing fine, Mary and yourself?" 

Mary Markem was approximately his mother's age if not a year or two older and she was a widow as well but where Ray's father had died nearly eight years ago, her husband had just passed six months previous. Ray hadn't expected to see the gray haired, buxom woman this year but then again, he hadn't planned on being there either. It was only the week before that he had actually committed to helping out, knowing that it was something that was expected of him. He was needed and it was nice knowing he was still needed. 

"You don't look fine, Ray. I know a lie when I hear it for I've told those lies myself. How are you doing?" Mary asked again, waiting for the truth this time. 

"I'm managing," Ray replied but this time his smile was a little sad. It was a gesture expressing his appreciation over her concern. 

"I moved back home," Ray added for conversation. 

"Did you? I bet your mother is happy to have you back," Mary said as she dished out a spoonful of mashed potatoes onto another patron's tray. 

"Yeah," Ray laughed before adding sarcastically, "she's in heaven. As if she doesn't have enough people to fret about." 

"On the contrary, a mother can never have too many children to take care of." 

Ray nodded, knowing that was all too true for it was his own mother who took in a perfect stranger, accepting him as one of the family with no questions asked, all because her son asked her to. To this day he would never forget that first dinner Fraser shared with his family and how naive the man was to what real family life was like. He learned quickly though, and actually fit in with the rest of them not long after. 

Ray felt a hand on his and looked down to see Mary gripping his hand. He looked up at her and she was smiling at him sympathetically. 

"Change isn't easy Dear, I should know. It is just going to take time. One day at a time is my philosophy. After Arthur died I thought my whole world had ended but as each day passed, I realized that my life really hadn't ended but only changed. A part of my life had died with my husband but there was still another part that needed to keep on living not only for myself but for my family and those who depend on me." 

Ray swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't think a single word would make it out but he managed to say, "Thanks Mary." 

She smiled a bit happier. "You're welcome, Ray. " 

Mary returned her attention back to the line of people that extended back to the main entrance of the shelter and Ray did the same. Ray only had a couple more hours left before he needed to head back home to help out with the kids. With both sisters helping in the kitchen with dinner preparations, it was a bit much to expect his brother-in-law to control his own pack. It would take two adults and one wolf to keep them occupied and out of the cook's way. 

* * *

The wind blew gently around them on their walk home from the shelter. It wasn't a bitterly cold breeze nor was it warm. Being that it was November, anything above freezing was a warm day, today being one of those days. Ray wasn't even wearing gloves on their walk home. Diefenbaker led the entire way as Ray idly followed. He was needed at home now, kiddy duty was how he referred to it and he welcomed the task. 

Ray loved his nieces and nephews, that went without saying but his capacity to love them overwhelmed him now and again because just when he thought he couldn't love anymore, he found himself doing just that. His family was his life. His work and volunteering were what filled the rest of his life when he wasn't with his family. His family was everything to him and he would do anything for them. Watching over its younger members wasn't a chore but more a blessing. 

He had always enjoyed being with his nieces and nephews and his enjoyment only grew when he met Fraser and tripled after they became lovers. The children seemed to call to Fraser as much as Fraser seemed to need them. The only conclusion Ray could come up with as too why, was because the man didn't have any brothers or sisters of his own growing up in the Territories. Ray's nieces and nephews gave Fraser an opportunity to be a kid himself for a few hours now and again and for the first time. The stoic Mountie needed those sporadic periods of loosening up. 

Ray arrived home not a moment too soon. Even though Tony was their father, their prominent male role model, control he did not maintain. Ray's brother-in-law was a good man, Ray would never say otherwise but he was basically a big kid too and the kids all knew what they could get away with when he was in charge. That was the main reason Ray was assigned the task of "baby sitting" that afternoon. If anything was going to get done in the kitchen, the least amount of distractions was needed and that meant no one under five-foot was allowed in. 

Ray took control of the kids, along with a wolf's help and it was like they were a totally different group of children. When he first walked into the house, the kids were all running around, some screaming and the other's tattling on those who were not being good. It was a nightmare and the frazzled look on Tony's face told the tale. Ray just shook his head with a small smile, glancing down at the wolf, exchanging knowing looks. They both knew what needed to be done and how to get it done. 

Ray rounded up the kids, who all had tired of watching the parade on TV about an hour into its broadcast, and suggested that they take part in a rousing game of Uno. The children, ranging in age from five to 10, quickly organized everything they would need for an Uno tournament. The younger children who weren't old enough to play the game were being watched by their father who could keep a better handle on them due to their lack of Vecchio attitude, for now. 

He was able to keep the children entertained for two hours with the game but once the two hours mark hit, Ray could see he was quickly loosing their interest. Plan number two was required to be put into action which involved a light lunch (sandwich halves, potato chips and milk) and an entertaining video in the living room. Dinner would not be for another three hours so the small meal wouldn't spoil their appetites. 

Once the kids were seated in front of the television with their snacks (Tony included), Ray slipped in the first of three tapes that had become tradition for the kids to watch. "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," was first, which would be followed by, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," and then "Frosty the Snowman." 

Ray took a seat next to the youngest of his nieces and let himself get engrossed in the Grinch's tale that he seemed to know by heart and yet he never tired of just as the youngsters never did either. Even though each of the programs would be aired on television within the next month, this same group of kids and adults alike would be gathered around the box then too as if they hadn't seen the programs since the previous year. It was tradition after all, and who was to mess with tradition? 

Once the ending credits of "Frosty" started rolling, the children's mother came into the living room to begin getting them ready for dinner. It was Thanksgiving after all and even though they were eating in their own home, proper dinner attire was required for the festive occasion. Tony was recruited for the job as well and Ray was relieved of his kiddy duty. The kids were shuffled upstairs leaving Ray and the wolf alone. 

"Come on Dief," Ray said, heading towards the front door. 

Opening the door, Ray allowed the wolf to exit first, following him out and closing the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, the first thing Ray noticed upon stepping out onto the front porch was how unseasonably warm it was. It had warmed up since his walk home from the shelter. The temperature was nearing sixty and he was quite comfortable standing there in a turtleneck and sweater. 

Even though Ray liked the warmer temperatures and the weather that normally accompanied them, he couldn't help but miss the weather of the previous year. Last year they had received their first snowfall of the year. The snow had started falling the night before the big day so that by the time everyone rose Thanksgiving morning, a heavy blanket of white had been draped over the city of Chicago and the temperature caused goose bumps to rise over his skin just from getting out of bed. 

Ray walked to the swing at the end of the porch but did not sit down. Instead, he remained standing, looking out over the front lawn and around at the houses lined up and down the street. It was just like any other day and yet it wasn't. It seemed the world had moved on leaving Ray behind yet again and as much as he tried to catch up, he could only inhale the dust left in the wake of life's passing. 

Ray sighed heavily, closing his eyes, shutting the rest of the world out if only for a moment. 

"Ray?" 

He didn't respond to his name being called. It felt like a vice had closed around his heart and if he acknowledged the voice, the vice would constrict tighter than he could bear. 

"Ray?" The voice called out again, patient as always. 

Diefenbaker looked up at Ray, offering a concerned whimper. 

Ray sighed again before looking up and meeting Fraser's eyes. 

Fraser offered Ray a shy smile for he didn't know how Ray would react to his presence on this day. 

There was no reaction from Ray at first. His eyes were locked on that of Fraser's own eyes and it seemed like he was taking inventory of the person before him. 

Fraser remained quiet, letting Ray adjust to the situation he found himself in but Fraser would not break eye contact with Ray no matter how uncomfortable Ray's own stare made him. 

After a few minutes, Ray's intense gaze softened and a faint smile donned his lips. 

Fraser smiled wide, his eyes sparkling livelier than Ray had ever seen them before. They were beautiful, he was beautiful and a sight for sore eyes. 

"Hello Ray." 

"Hey Benny." 

Fraser watched Ray's entire body relax as he turned to take a seat on the porch swing. Fraser followed Ray, sitting next to him and Diefenbaker laid down in close proximity of them both, keeping a close eye on Ray. 

Both men sat quietly, the swing gently swaying from the weight. Ray didn't dare say a word for fear one wrong word spoken would break the spell and he would find himself sitting alone. 

Fraser observed Ray closely and could sense the fear in the man sitting next to him. 

"Ray?" 

Ray finally gave into his fears and looked at Fraser. 

"How are you doing, Ray?" 

Ray couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped. "I'm fine, Benny and yourself?" 

Fraser paused to contemplate the question before answering. 

"I'm better than I anticipated." 

"Does that mean good, Benny?" 

"Yes Ray, I'm good." 

Ray nodded, accepting Fraser's response and turned to look straight ahead. 

"Ya know, I didn't think I would be seeing you today." 

"I know, Ray," Fraser said, knowing Ray had no idea he would pay him a visit. "I pulled a few stings, so to speak." 

"You gave them the big-eyed Mountie look and they couldn't say no to you?" 

"No, that's just silly, Ray. I had some help, that is all." 

Ray nodded his head with a smirk but the smile disappeared quickly. 

"I'm glad you came," Ray said with a frown, his voice expressing his grief. 

Fraser was about to respond to Ray's comment when the front door opened and a frazzled Frannie appeared. 

"Are you two gonna come in or are we gonna have to hold up dinner until you are ready?" 

Fraser turned to Ray, waiting for his decision. 

"We'll be in, in a moment." 

"Don't be too long. The table needs set and I don't know how much longer we can keep the kids waiting," Frannie added as she went back into the house. 

"Are you staying?" Ray asked. 

"Would you like me to stay?" Fraser responded with his own question. 

Ray looked at Fraser and it was at that moment that Fraser could actually see the need in him. Ray had been through the ringer the past couple months, Fraser believing he was responsible for most of that grief. This was the first that he had seen the effects his actions had made on Ray and his life, and this aspect made him feel even guiltier than before. 

"Would you think I was being selfish if I said yes?" 

Fraser gave Ray a half smile with his response. "No, I don't believe that would be selfish at all." 

"Good," Ray said as he stood up. "Because I want you to stay . . . and I think Dief would like that too." 

Diefenbaker popped up from his spot and barked in agreement. 

"See, he's missed you as much as I have," Ray stated, moving towards the door. "Come on, dinner is getting cold and if it gets cold I will have an unhappy lot on my hands." 

Diefenbaker followed directly after Ray and Fraser joined them inside shortly after. 

* * *

The dinner was a success for Mrs. Vecchio and no one left the table hungry. If anything a few pounds had been gained by each and every family member and the grumbling and groaning heard only proved everyone's satisfaction. Even though dinner itself had filled them all to a bursting state, dessert could not be refused. Even after dessert and the evening conversations between various family members, close and distant, there was still an occasional snacking binge here and there. 

The hours after dinner seemed to pass quickly and even though they still had company, Ray was ready to bring the day to a close. He went looking for his mother and found her in the kitchen, packing up a care package for someone. 

"Hey Ma," Ray said walking up to her. "I think I'm gonna call it a night." 

Mrs. Vecchio looked at the clock on the opposite wall, surprised by the early hour. 

"Caro, it's not even ten o'clock. Are you feeling ill?" 

Mrs. Vecchio placed a hand on his forehead, testing his temperature and found that he felt of a normal degree. 

"Ma, I'm fine. I'm tired, that's all," Ray said, backing away slightly, a little annoyed but not angered. Ray smiled his apology quickly though, knowing his mother didn't mean anything but general concern for her son and kissed her cheek. "I'm just tired." 

"All right," Mrs. Vecchio said, accepting her son's excuse but being a mother, she knew better than to believe him. "I will see you in the morning then." 

Ray nodded his head as he turned, heading out of the kitchen. 

Diefenbaker watched Ray cross through the living room making his retreat upstairs and knowing where he was needed, the wolf followed Ray to his bedroom. 

His goal was to make it to the second floor without anyone questioning where he was going and thankfully, he succeeded. Once he and the wolf were closed away from the rest of the house, safe and secure in his bedroom, only then did Ray breathe a sigh of relief as he leaned heavily against the door. 

Diefenbaker whimpered his concern for his friend but Ray didn't budge. Ray's current position looked uncomfortable for he was standing facing the door with his forehead pressed against its hard, flat surface. 

If he had the strength, he would be banging his head against the door but he didn't move. He couldn't move. It was just an effort for him to remain standing at all, to remain in control of his emotions; to keep hold of his sanity that Ray felt was quickly slipping through his fingertips. 

"I'm sorry if my presence is bothering you," Fraser said from inside Ray's room. 

Ray shook his head back and forth negatively without lifting it from the door. After his initial response to Fraser's comment, Ray pushed himself off the door and turned to face Fraser. 

"You are not a bother," Ray said finally speaking up. "If anyone is a bother here it's me." 

"Ray, that simply is not true. You should be here. You belong here." 

"I don't feel like I belong here . . . I've been nothing but a burden since I moved back home. I've lived here my entire life . . . well, just about my entire life and yet I still feel out of place." 

"Where else should you be?" Fraser questioned in an effort to help himself understand Ray's current state of mind. 

"With you," Ray stated innocently, the hopelessness not even hidden from his voice. "I belong with you." 

Fraser sighed. "I am here Ray." 

"No you're not. You're just some psychological whatever . . . it's my mind playing tricks on me or perhaps I have finally lost it completely and my family should send me away for my own good." 

Ray was pacing frantically by the time his rampage was through, his anger barely contained. 

"You are not crazy," Fraser stated trying to reassure Ray of that fact. 

"Aren't I?" Ray asked when he stopped pacing, staring directly into Fraser's eyes. 

"No Ray, you're not. You are grieving yes but I don't believe that makes you certifiable." 

Ray frowned at that one word, grieving. Grieving is what he watched other people go through and stood by them while the process took control of their lives. He had watched his mother grieve when she lost husband and his Uncle Lorenzo when Aunt Lucille passed away. Even Maria's children had gone through a child's version of grief when the family's pet gold fish died a year ago but he himself had never truly grieved for a loved one, not to the extent that he was now. He had never before felt the emptiness that accompanied grief but now, Ray fully understood what it meant to grieve. 

"I feel like I am loosing my mind," Ray stated as he dropped his head in his hands, clearly at his wit's end. When he felt the arms of his lover wrap around his already shaking body, the tremors only intensified before they eased into barely detectable twitches. 

Fraser trace his right hand up and down Ray's back in a soothing motion, trying his best to calm even the slightest quivering. As Fraser continued his ministrations Ray hesitantly wrapped his arms around him. 

Bringing his mouth up to Fraser's ear, Ray whispered, "I've missed you so much." 

The admission had his trembling starting all over again. 

"It is going to be all right," Fraser said in his most serious and trusting tone, trying to calm Ray. He pulled Ray's head up to meet his eyes and added, "I have missed you too." 

Fraser leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Ray's, offering a chaste kiss that even in its most simplicity spoke of the tremendous love Fraser felt for Ray. They were soul mates, bound together by love and trust, and nothing could break that bond. 

Ray was the first to pull away. 

"How long can you stay?" 

Fraser frowned at the question, not liking the answer he was about to give and knowing Ray wouldn't like it even more. "I don't have much time. I am lucky to have made it here at all." 

Ray reached his hand up to stroke Fraser's face and began inventorying everything about the man in his arms that he could: the length of his hair, the color of his eyes, the visible scars. He was trying to memorize everything he already knew and remembered. There was no guarantee that they would ever see each other again so it was important that Ray did not waste this opportunity. 

Fraser watched Ray's eyes move about. They were wide and absorbing and Fraser could see a little fear in them as well. 

"I'm sorry, Ray," Fraser began before his words were stopped by Ray's quivering fingertips. 

"Shhh," Ray hushed Fraser, not wanting to hear any apologies. "You have nothing to be sorry for." After a moments pause, he continued, "I should be the one saying he's sorry." 

Fraser eyes looked sadly upon Ray as he protested. 

"Ray, this wasn't your fault." 

Ray pulled away from Fraser, his arms flailing demonstrating his agitation. The anger in Ray's voice was evident and his body language only solidified Fraser's observation. 

"How can you say that? I wasn't there. I wasn't there to protect you, to save you . . . I watched you die . . . " Ray's words trailed off as the subject was too much for him to bear. 

"I can say it because it is the truth." 

Ray shook his head in dismay. 

"Benny, only you would apologize for . . ." 

"But Ray . . ." 

"Fraser!" 

From the bed came an equally arguing grumble made by a sleepy wolf. Both men turned to look at Diefenbaker as he grumbled again at them, stating his opinion and the truth. 

"What did he say?" Ray asked looking back at Fraser whom he saw was blushing from the reprimand. 

Fraser cleared his throat. 

"Ah . . . he said that is was neither your nor my own fault." 

Ray was taken aback by the wolf's observation but somehow, trusted in his grumbling. 

"Huh," Ray responded. "What do you make of that?" 

"I . . . ah . . . I believe Diefenbaker may have a point," Fraser admitted, a little embarrassed that he himself hadn't even seen that aspect of the situation. His thinking had been clouded by guilt. 

Ray laughed at Fraser's admission. 

Fraser turned his head towards Ray at the sound of his chuckle, questioning with his eyes. 

Ray laughed again, even harder and it was the first good laugh he'd had in a long time. 

"I'm sorry," Ray said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "It's just funny, that's all." 

"What's funny?" Fraser asked, cocking his head to one side. 

"Well, it's not like it's funny 'ha-ha' but more funny in a strange sort of way, you understand?" 

"But you are laughing," Fraser stated innocently not understanding as always. 

"Yeah, that's because this is really strange, that's all. I mean here we are, blaming ourselves for something we had no control over, I know that now, but it's been hard to see that. It took a wolf to tell us the truth," Ray explained. "Now do you get it?" 

And this time it was Fraser's turn to chuckle. "Oddly, yes." 

Seeing that he had set everyone straight, Diefenbaker laid his head back on his paws with a yawn and closed his eyes. 

They both sobered up quickly knowing they didn't have too much time to waste with misunderstandings. 

"How long can you stay?" Ray asked again. 

"Not long," Fraser replied with a frown. 

"Do you think . . . ah . . . that is if you want to . . . " Ray was becoming shy with his request for it seemed a ridiculous one to ask. 

"What Ray?" 

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sticking around until I fell asleep, that's all. I mean, I would understand if you couldn't or didn't want to . . . " 

"Ray!" Fraser said sternly, halting Ray's babbling. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes, I can stay until then." 

Ray smiled in reply. "Yeah?" 

"Yes, Ray." 

Ray reached out and took hold of the phantom hand of his lover and led Fraser to his bed. The feel of the body Ray never thought he would have a chance to touch again freaked him out a bit at first but once he got past his initial shock, Ray let go of his fears, trying his best to enjoy the gift being offered. 

Once Ray was settled in bed, securely wrapped in Fraser's arms, only then did he release a sigh of contentment. He was content for now because he new this was only temporary. As of late living had become a day to day existence and some days it was hour by hour. This hour, he was happy even though he could still feel the sadness inside. It was going to take time, Ray realized that now and he refused to give up so easily. 

* * *

The room was dark when she opened the door but the light from the hallway afforded enough illumination for her to see by. Mrs. Vecchio entered Ray's bedroom, unable to resist her motherly instincts any longer. She had already seen the visiting family members off on their way and her youngest was the last lingering soul in the living room watching a late night movie. All was quiet in the house but before she could turn in for the night, Mrs. Vecchio needed to check on Ray. 

She approached the bed quietly but not quiet enough to keep from disturbing Diefenbaker whose head popped up from it's resting position on his paws. Mrs. Vecchio made a shushing motion with her finger against her lips and the wolf simply watched the mother as she moved closer to the bed. 

Diefenbaker placed his head back down on his paws and tracked the older woman with his eyes alone. He loved this woman very much for she offered her heart and home to Fraser and him when they were strangers in a strange land and even now, without Fraser, he was still welcome in her home. 

Diefenbaker sent a little prayer up to heaven thanking the Lord above for Mrs. Vecchio's hospitality because he really did love her cooking. 

Mrs. Vecchio looked down at Ray who was sleeping peacefully for a change and frowned, understanding the pain her son was in. She knew, as a mother always knew, there was rough road ahead for him and there was nothing she could do to ease the pain or smooth the road's surface. A simple kiss on a bruised knee wouldn't do the trick this time and she felt helpless because of that. 

That ominous September day would be etched in her mind forever. When Ray walked into their home, clothes stained in blood and a look of utter defeat on his face marked a turning point no one was prepared to face. It was a day no one had ever expected to happen but should have knowing what type of occupation both men held. 

She held a little guilt inside over her own thoughts of that dreadful day. Mrs. Vecchio loved Fraser as she loved the rest of her children. He had become one of them and she grieved for him but she couldn't help feeling a little relief that it had been Fraser who lost his life and not her son. She would never admit her feelings to Ray because it was the right thing to do. He had enough to worry about and work through than to hear of her thoughts on the matter when they would only upset him more. He needed protecting now, not full fledged honesty. 

Mrs. Vecchio stood, watching her son sleep. He was curled up on his side and wrapped in a brown leather jacket. She had seen Fraser wear that coat on numerous occasions and was surprised to see that it had been removed from its position in the back of her son's closet where it hung next to a brown and a red Mountie uniform. 

She reached out to touch Ray's cheek but then pulled back. She knew Ray's nights of sleep had been broken repeatedly by dreams of what had happened two months ago and thought better then to disturb his current stretch of peaceful slumber. Instead, she pulled a blanket off the top closet shelf and draped it over Ray's sleeping form to keep the chill of the evening off of him. 

Diefenbaker gently adjusted to the added blanket and curled up next to Ray, falling back asleep instantly. 

Mrs. Vecchio smiled. Even though Ray was grieving for Fraser, she could rest easy knowing he was safe, knowing he had a place where he belonged when the rest of the world seemed unbearable. 

* * *

"Are you ready?" 

Fraser was standing in the archway of Ray's bedroom door, watching Mrs. Vecchio take care of her son. The one sided exchanged eased Fraser's tormented heart, knowing Ray was not alone during this period of grief. 

"Yes, Dad, I think I am," Fraser replied but he didn't move. 

Fraser Sr. stood next to his son and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, offering support the best way he knew how without getting all mushy with words. 

"Come along Son," Fraser Sr. said, directing Fraser out of the room. "We need to be getting back." 

Fraser nodded his head, agreeing with his father as he was lead away from the room and out of the house for what would be the last time. 

"Thanks, Dad." 

"You're welcome, Son." 

The two ghost Mounties walked across the front lawn of the Vecchio home and before they made it to the street, they disappeared, barely leaving a trail of footprints behind. 

The end 

* * *

End With You by Innusiq:

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